It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I want to be your penis for a week.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
They have beer where we have blood.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
