I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
