Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
