while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
