She's like a pop up book from hell.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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