y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
