i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
