My sheets look like a crime scene.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
