singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
