he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
