You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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