she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize
