forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
