At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize