Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
