My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
