butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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