It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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