During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Panties = found
Randomize
