Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize