she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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