So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
