the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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