so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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