u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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