I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
