just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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