You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
