That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
