i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
