turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
