The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Houston, we have a blender
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
