I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
