I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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