she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
God I need to hump something, right now.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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