that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
