well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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