girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
