If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
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