gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
