Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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