I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Enjoy the penises
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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