i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
