I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
