I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
