is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
