My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
