omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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