No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
