at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize