he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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