if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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