yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
