Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
someone get that fucking seahorse.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
