I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
