I don't remember. Are we still dating?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
