Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize