Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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