covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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