You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I am naked and annoyed.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
