I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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