Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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