I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
