I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize