I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
