I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
