Define "chronic" masturbator.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
