My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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